Sunday, Jim talked about doubt.  I thought it was a very good message and got me thinking about some of the doubts I've had in my life.  Somewhere during the afternoon on Sunday, I drifted into thinking when did I first really believe.  That's an important question, when did you first REALLY believe?

I can't ever remember not believing in God.  I can remember having some doubt as to scripture and the accounts of the life, death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

It's hard to explain because in my heart, I really wanted to believe and had even convinced myself that I did believe, but my head had doubts.

I had doubts if the historical Jesus Christ ever really lived.  If he was not flesh and bone, who could he have died, and if he didn't die, how could he have been risen from the dead?  Then, my heart would take over and try to convince my head that Jesus did in fact live.

To be honest, much of my life this was not a struggle.  I pretty much, around age 16, put such questions out of my head and went on with my life.  I was a very convenience oriented Christian and that is being quite kind.  For the most part, I was not walking with Christ, I was definitely not talking with Him, and I pretty much just didn't spent any time thinking about Him.

I remember with clarity the moment I lost all doubt and started believing.  We had been attending EBC for about 6 months or so and I was reading my Bible.  It was just before Easter and I was reading about Jesus' return to Jerusalem.  Today, we celebrate it as Palm Sunday.  When Jesus was riding into town on a donkey and the people laid palm leaves down in front of him.

I do not know what it was about that scene, but I could visualize it as if it were happening right in front of me.  It was total chaos.  People pushing to get to the front to see Him.  A woman who had a health problem (prolonged bleeding) desperately trying to touch His robe, cheering, yelling and dust all around.

While all of this was happening, He noticed the woman who had touched his robe and He healed her.  All of this chaos going on around Him.  He knew what was ahead, and He healed this poor desperate woman who had enough faith to push herself to the front of the line and touch Him.

Did it really happen like that?  I think it did.  He shared with me a mental picture of the scene in a way that made me absolutely sure that it really happened.

From that moment on, I've never doubted.  You see, once you believe that Jesus is real, then you have two choices.  Choice 1) all of the Bible is factual and Jesus Christ is the son of God who came to die for my sins.  He died on the cross, was buried, and was raised from the dead.  This choice is to have faith that everything in scripture is 100% true and Jesus is who he says he is.  2) the second choice is everything in the Bible is a lie.  That Jesus either never lived at all or, if he did live, he was a madman who thought he was God.

You see, there is no middle ground.  Jesus is the son of God, or it's all a lie.

Nearly 10 years ago, Jesus laid those options in front of me.  He used His word and the description of His return to Jerusalem to paint a picture for me.  He allowed me to sense the scene as it unfolded.  Forever, he burned in my heart and mind the knowledge that He is not a lie, that it all happened just as we have read, and that He is who he claims to be, the risen son of God.

To quote Thomas, "My Lord and my God".

I've learned that the hardest part about having faith is just having faith.  Once you believe and believe unconditionally (like a child), having faith in His promise and in His word becomes very easy.

Yes, I still have moments of doubt, but never again doubt that He is the truth and that He is my Lord and my God.  My doubts are more around my own inadequacies but I no longer doubt Him.

Jeff